Last two days were chaotic.’ Chaotic’ in my mind… superficially everything was silent. I chose to revise a lesson which I had learnt long ago. Maybe it was not understood well, so the system demanded up gradation. 🙂
I had realized long ago, never to fill voids. If you lack something, yearn for anything, accept it and work towards achieving it with all your soul. You are sure to get it but even if you do not, resign and be at peace with the situation and the reality GRACEFULLY.
When I could not clear my exams and did not achieve the success which I thought I deserved, I shifted my passion and focus towards another of my favourite ‘Food’. I ate in a day what my body did not need in a week and still my mind remained empty as before.. How this ‘foodomania’ affected me is a different story and I leave it for some other day.
That was the time I realized, “Why some take to drugs or else leave everything and become a recluse”… They need that temporary high so much that they are willing to stake everything.
Coming back to my recent emptiness, I got into doing something which I never thought I could do again. It might be innocent for someone else but I have already paid a price for it. Still I chose to walk the same path albeit a few steps…
I sensed in good time that it could blow up badly. I have burnt my little finger but it will heal quicky and it is much better than a full boom boom 🙂
I thank my Guru who made me realize in time that my mind was misleading me. I became aware that feelings of heart cannot be substituted by pranks of the mind. Accept the truth and be in peace. I am peace and love and I need no external stimulus to descend it over me. Love and light to my teacher.
Eventually it is a settlement of another of my karmic account. With the blessings of my Guru, it has settled in the smallest possible denomination. 🙂